Grandmother

A few weeks ago I saw comedian, Kate Clinton, and she mentioned how it is so interesting that when people are complaining about the possible health care program, they are saying that it will put grandma to death - not grandpa. When I write this, it doesn’t seem funny because I am not a comic but I laughed very hard as did BK because I have been noticing this for years.

If some woman gets hurt and she is above a certain age – maybe 60 – the paper or the TV states that a 65 year old grandmother was run over by a car today. The question in my mind was whether that was a worse because she was a grandmother or why is that relevant at all. A 75 year old grandmother slipped off the brake and onto the gas pedal going into a store front. An 80+ man drove into a farmer’s market. Was he a grandfather? It wasn’t mentioned. A 55 year old grandmother robbed a bank – isn’t that cute or a shock that a grandmother would do that? I love being a grandmother. I have been a grandmother since I was 43 years old. I wonder if I would have been described as a 43 year old grandmother if I had done something newsworthy.

All this has again come to mind, as it does almost daily to this 70 year old grandmother, when I read in the USA Today about the H1N1 vaccine. It is not going to be given to the elderly because we may have an immunity sine we may have been exposed in our younger years. A question was asked if the clinics will turn away elderly people who want the shot. Dr. Anthony Fauci answered, “But I have to tell you, I can't imagine if a 75-year-old grandmother comes up to a place and says, "I'd like my vaccine," that somebody will say, "No, go away and come back in two weeks." Somehow I don't see that.” So, if you want a H1N1 shot, stand in line with your grandchildren and be a woman and who would ever turn you down.

My sister and I were dancing at a wedding not long ago, doing what we used to call the jitterbug which is now called swing dancing. We had a great time when after the dance was over, someone came to me laughing and said, “That was the cutest thing I have ever seen.” I was deeply offended. This person had been to other weddings and my sister and I almost always dance the jitterbug together. This time we were “cute.” Why? Because we are old? I guess we could have been described as the 64 and 69 year old grandmothers who were jitterbugging. Oh, wait – my sister isn’t a grandmother. Does that make her any less cute? The interesting part of this is that we are considered “cute” when we are children and cute when we are old. I resent being considered the same as a child.

So, notice how many times an older woman is called a grandmother even though that has no relevance to the subject. Or how many times people, in particular politicians, use the term “grandmother” when trying to get across a point. And also notice how many times you consider older people as cute rather than talented or smart or energetic.

The Roman Polanski Fiasco

I am fuming. What is wrong with this picture? A man gives champagne to a 13 year old girl. That is against the law, I believe. A man then gives the 13 year old girl some Quaalude. I think that is also against the law. Now, this man sodomizes this 13 year old girl and he does get arrested. He is charged and pleaded guilty to unlawful intercourse with a minor. There is then some kind of judicial misconduct, which to me is unimportant, and on the eve of his sentencing, the man is nowhere to be found. The 13 year old girl did win a civil suit and received an undisclosed amount of money and she can’t say anything about it. He lives in France, openly, since 1977. Since then he has made many movies to much critical acclaim. France never thought of sending him back because he was a wanted criminal. This is the story of a talented director, Roman Polanski. And that is the way it would have stayed except that Switzerland decided to allow the United States to extradite him.

So now, what is the reaction to this? Many Hollywood dignitaries have signed a petition saying that he has suffered enough. The 13 year old girl is now happily married and doesn’t want to testify against him, saying that all should be dropped. I have even heard some say that the girl wasn’t really raped. This seasoned feminist is outraged! First, let’s talk about class. If some poor Mexican man had done this and had ran away to México only to be found and brought back, would he not be charged not only with the rape but also with running away before being sentenced? Any average person would be charged but if you are an artist or you are a sport’s celebrity or a rich person, the law treats you differently. We live in a classist society which is like India only we hide it.

Now let’s talk about sexism. I had hoped that we had stopped looking at rape as the victim’s problem. I thought that we had realized, without a doubt, that a 13 year old does not have the ability to consent. How can anyone say it wasn’t rape? He even admitted to statutory rape and it was. I understand why the woman doesn’t want to bring all this up again. She has a life and she doesn’t want to be dragged through the mud which our sexist society would do. I don’t understand all these people who think he “suffered enough” because his mother was killed in the holocaust, because he got to make millions and get all kinds of accolades while “exiled” in France, because his wife, Sharon Tate, was murdered and many other aspects of his life. What does any of that to do with his raping a 13 year old girl or with his running away before sentencing? Nothing. Every time I hear these excuses I rage. Being a male celebrity is much more important than being female and being raped at the age of 13. It will be interesting to see how this plays out.