More Thoughts about Pain

It is now June 14 and I am still in debilitating pain.  My last post about this stated that the pain was severe from May 13.  I had the epidural a month ago and it did no good at all.  After an MRI, I found out why.  It was given in the wrong place - between L4 and L5 which is where all my problems have been in the past. The problem now is between L5 and S1. I had an EMG and found that all my nerves are alive which is really great news but the ones at the base of the spine are not giving as strong a signal as they should.  Looking over everything, my doctor told me no good doctor would operate on me.  That made me happy. It has taken a long time but I am having one epidural tomorrow afternoon and a second one on June 29.  I have real hope that these will work.  I need to hope that because I am not sure there is much more that can be done.  I am on gabapentin, the full dose as of yesterday.  This has helped my fibromyalgia.  The constant pain throughout my body doesn't exist any more.  I don't know if it has helped my horrible back/leg pain at all but with that and ibuprofen, I do feel somewhat better and I was able to go out to lunch for a few days.  At this point, because of the epidural, I am again unable to take it.

I have been spending a lot of time in the house.  I am lucky because I do have family and friends who help my mental health. There are six examples of this.  My sister sent me constant texts and pictures while on her trip east.  I loved looking at them and remembering being in those same places.  She had me smiling a lot.  My friend in Connecticut has written emails to me every day and that has not only made me smile but made me think about so many things. My daughters always gave me encouraging words and figured out how I could make my summer trip even if I didn't get any better.  And then my partner who has hardly left my side, got me all the delicious, unhealthy food I desired, sat with  me when I lost it because of all the pain and has been my complete sense of strength throughout all of this.  There were others also who sent me good wishes and thoughts through Facebook and I appreciate them all.  I don't know what I would have done without all of this positive words and actions.

And so I now have 22 hours before I have the first shot.  I am ready.  And I have a positive attitude that it will help. So, anyone who reads this, please think positive thoughts toward me at 4:00 PM PDT tomorrow, June 15, because I know I will feel them.  Thank you.

Life Is Ever-Changing

Yesterday I was feeling particularly sorry for myself. I am leaving for New York tomorrow and I have something wrong with my eye – an infection or a contusion – neither of which is serious but annoying. About two weeks ago, I started having trouble with my hamstring which is really a problem with my back. Yesterday I went to the doctor and was told that it would probably get worse before it gets better. This was upsetting not only because I am leaving for New York and then on to Milwaukee but also because there is a pattern. It seems that every time I feel I am improving my body, something else breaks down. So, I slumped into the “woe is me” pattern. I usually allow myself a day or two to wallow and then I get back to being my normal self. However, last night after a wonderful Chanukah dinner at my sister’s house, I looked at my Blackberry and saw I had an email from a friend. She informed me that another friend, a woman I have known since moving to LA, has ovarian cancer, is in the hospital scheduled for surgery and for chemotherapy. All of a sudden, I forgot about my aches and pains. Nothing I have is life-threatening. All my thoughts are with my friend. May she know that so many people are thinking of her, love her and wish her well, hoping she has a quick and successful recovery.